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REAL PEOPLE, REAL PLANNING – WHAT TYPES SHOW UP

As an End of Life Coach, I have the privilege of working with amazing clients and I am constantly learning alongside them.

In my coaching group, Writing your Spiritual Care Directive, I am celebrating the diverse Planner Types I get to meet and explore with.

There are all kinds of Planners and each one brings their own mindset, habits and sometimes emotional weight and resistances to the table. It is a powerful experience to meet each person right where they are and help gently unlock the courage, compassion, clarity and empowerment that lives within them.

Witnessing clients start, reshape, complete and update their End of Life Plans is a powerful reminder that this work is deeply personal and uniquely meaningful. Every time something clicks, softens or opens, it’s an honor to hold space and support their journey forward.

I wonder…do you see yourself in any of these 8 Planner Types?

The “DIY Planner”
The DIY Planner likes to own their own process and “do it themselves” with some skillful guidance and encouragement along the way. They typically say

“I like to figure stuff out for myself”

“I like putting my own spin on things”

“I want it to be just right before I show anyone”

They enjoy diving deep into material with a hands-on approach in gathering resources, researching, you-tubing, making decisions and feeling they have personally designed, crafted, created…their own self-authored plan.

At times they can focus more on doing than the state of being or their values. So, it is good to slow down, check in and make sure their heart and mind are aligned.  Doing a values check can be beneficial here.

Inspiration flows best from the brainstorming process and movement from unpacking larger goals into actionable steps to reduce overwhelm or planning scatter.

Because this person’s strong self-reliance can sometimes lead to tunnel vision or a limited island of ideas, a coach can serve more like a project management buddy, offering structure without taking over. Too much autonomy can cause this person to miss the empowerment that comes from collaboration and connection. Helping them see that coaching and community can take them further, faster and more fully is really where the shift happens.

For this type, having access to practical tools, guides, checklists and templates, alongside a clear understanding of their rights and options around deathcare, is a key part of the journey.

If this is you, COACHING does not take away your independence… it amplifies it. With the proper support, your self-authored plan is not only fully yours but fully realized. You don’t have to go it alone to do it your way.

The “Minimalist Planner”
The Minimalist Planner values simplicity above all else…sometimes to the point of stripping away all ritual and tradition. They might say,

“No ceremonies, no speeches”

“I don’t want to burden my loved ones”

“Less is more, even at the end.”

At times, they may argue they don’t need a written plan at all, believing that simplicity speaks for itself. However, no plan at all can leave the family bereft of what to do with the simplest of decisions, not to mention putting deathcare at risk for family conflict and misfires.

Since this person doesn’t want to overcomplicate things, it is important to stick to what is essential and “de-clutter” the process.

A clear, one-page instruction can be a sufficient gift to their family.  

It’s valuable to focus on meaning over material and gently highlight how this client’s “just enough” basic instructions will ease the burden on those left behind.

If this is you, COACHING can help you write a plan that is free of fluff and full of meaning. It is not about doing more, it’s about doing what matters. Let’s craft something simple, essential and truly yours.

The “Practitioner Planner”
For this person, spiritual practice is central to how they approach death. They typically have a collection of teachings, prayers and rituals they wish to fulfill at the time of their transition, aspiring to be more mindful, conscious and intentional throughout the process.  They also value the support of a spiritual community. This client may express worries that include

“I don’t have family who share my beliefs”

“I feel far from my spiritual community in deathcare support”

“I am afraid my family will impose their own rituals instead of honoring mine.”

It is important to help them write their plan with spiritual clarity and capture what practices are closest to their heart so that support is not left to chance.

Equally important is arranging for advocates who can help carry out the plan. Establishing a trusted spiritual friend or guide to oversee the process can make all the difference.

Building a community in advance is essential in this situation, ensuring that the people and plans are in place, informed and prepared to hold someone through their sacred transition.

The Spiritual Care Directive is a valuable template for them to detail every aspect of their spiritual wishes and deathcare instructions.

If this is you, COACHING isn’t about convincing you of why this matters because you already know.  You need a bridge between your inner world and real world logistics. This isn’t just planning, it’s a sacred act of preparation. Together, we can create a plan that protects your path and brings peace to those who walk it with you.

The “Comfort Planner”
The Comfort Planner is primarily motivated to ease the suffering of their loved ones, often by giving the family freedom and control to handle things their way.  Their primary concern is that the wishes of their family and friends take precedence.  You might hear them say,

“Whatever brings my loved ones peace, I am at peace with”

“My daughter will know what’s best”

“I trust my family to make the right choices”

The gap in this planning is that, without clear guidance, the family may end up just as unprepared, unexpressed and uncertain as the client. While the Comfort Planner is deeply generous, it can unintentionally create more stress for those left behind.

Good to start with acknowledging their compassion and generosity. At the same time, it is important to gently offer the insight that even a simple plan can give their family the clarity they’ll be longing for, guiding decisions and easing emotional weight during a difficult time.

Encouraging them to document a few key decisions, even if it feels uncomfortable, can be a graceful and bravehearted offering.

Coaching here is a balance in honoring the client’s generous spirit to make their passing easier for those around them, while writing a plan where everyone’s voice is heard and documented.

Facilitating conversations around family wishes is particularly important, as is ensuring that the family is prepared to carry them out.

Ultimately supporting this type is all about validation, focusing on choice instructions, informed advocacy and family conversations ensuring emotional ease for everyone involved.

If this is you, COACHING can help you translate your compassion into a simple loving share. You don’t need to plan everything, just enough to help your family feel held.   You want to give your family the right kind of freedom…the kind that comes with clear guidance, not guesswork.

The ”Volun-Told Planner”
The Volun-told Planner is usually the one in the family “cross hairs” expected to organize or plan someone else’s end-of-life affairs…and often under pressure.  Common statements might include,

“My sister-in-law is nearing end of life, and everyone expects me to oversee her affairs”

“My Uncle died and I am the only local relative to oversee the funeral planning”

“Everyone just assumed I would take care of it. I don’t know what I am doing”

This person can feel that they don’t have all the details or they are overwhelmed with the number of decisions to make at the last minute. They may suffer from feeling overly responsible, but unsure of how to proceed.

It’s important to acknowledge what they are going through and take a careful walk through feelings of resentment and complicated emotional feelings of the tasks at hand, especially in the midst of grief and heartache.

An encouraging and resourcing approach, with tender emotional scaffolding can be very effective. 

Getting clear on what they are being asked to do is a great place to start.

Shifting from a control to coordination pathway can invite more support than ever expected.

Nobody is born knowing how to do all of this so it is transformative to normalize and validate feelings and get resourced up with a plan that is clear and manageable.

If this is you, COACHING is about your well-being, your voice and your right to feel resourced and ready…even if the role was dropped in your lap. You may not have asked for this responsibility but you don’t have to face it alone. You can shift from feeling overwhelmed and solely responsible to feeling clear, supported and connected.

The “Superstitious Planner”
The Superstitious Planner is often open and curious about the planning process, even intrigued by it, but carries a fear that planning for death might somehow invite it. For this person words hold power and you are entering the territory of words as spells or fear of calling death to the door. You may hear this person say phrases like

“I am afraid that speaking of death is calling it in”

“Talking about death makes it real”

“It’s bad luck to talk about death”

Coaching this person requires word-sensitivity, emotional intelligence and a deep sense of non-judgmental acceptance. The goal isn’t to challenge or correct their beliefs, but to welcome them, gently bringing fears into the open so they can be acknowledged and softened.

A powerful shift happens when you move the conversation from fear to intention, and to wants over worries. Good to redirect what they are afraid might happen to what they want to happen.

Emphasizing future-focused goals and desired outcomes can restore a sense of agency and control. And reframing “end-of-life planning” as simply “Life Planning” can make the process feel safer and more empowering.

Metaphors can bridge the gap. A helpful one is: “We carry an umbrella not to make it rain, but to be prepared in case it does.” This kind of framing allows the Superstitious Planner to engage with planning as a protective and loving act, not a predictive or harmful one.

If this is you, COACHING isn’t here to push or correct…it is here to support. It’s about honoring your beliefs and finding gentle, grounded ways to take meaningful steps forward. Life Planning doesn’t have to feel like a death summons, it can be a comfort, a safe shield, a way to bring peace into the unknown. If you are word sensitive, superstitious or simply unsure how to begin, you deserve a space that honors where you are and helps you move at your own pace.

The “Perfectionist Planner”
The Perfectionist Planner often struggles to move forward because they become stuck in the pursuit of getting everything “just right.” You might hear them say things like,

“I’m stuck and can’t get it right”

“I’ve taken a lot of notes and will put it all together later”

“Can I use pencil instead of pen as I write?”

This person reflects a hesitation rooted in fear that their wishes are not good enough, clear enough or correct enough.

For this type, it is important to remember the mantra: Done beats perfect. Encouraging small simple actions can help build momentum and even one small task like writing down a single wish can open the floodgates.

It is helpful to reinforce the idea that this is not a final, carved-in-stone document…it is a living plan that can evolve and be revised as needed.

Sometimes, introducing a gentle sense of urgency, like asking, “What’s one thing you’d want noted if this were needed tomorrow?” can help them shift out of a spiral of overthinking to meaningful and applied progress.

Ultimately, coaching the Perfectionist Planner is about helping them move from pressure to permission, from fear of getting it wrong to trusting that something heartfelt and imperfect is far better than silence. It is the putting pen to paper, not the polish, that is the true gift they offer their loved ones.

If this is you, COACHING is here to help you with gentle, grounded support so you can take the next small step without fear of getting it wrong. If perfectionism is slowing you down, let’s shift from flawless to heartfelt. Your thoughtful intentions, even if unfinished, can be a plan that is imperfectly real and deeply meaningful.

The “Avoidant Planner”
The Avoidant Planner would rather be anywhere else than planning for death. No surprise that this person is more hesitant or distant from the planning process. This person may carry fears, discomfort, emotional triggers or simply the weight of not being ready to engage with such a confronting, tender and intimate part of life. You might hear them say

“Planning is not my strong suit”

“I like to keep my options open”

“Planning gives me anxiety.”

It is important to meet this person where they are and “de-shame” as much as possible.

Although they may be slower to move forward, there is often a deep, unspoken compassion within this person, a wish to protect their loved ones from additional pain or burden. The key is to offer light accountability and not hard pressure.

Best to approach them gently, creating space for them to connect with their needs when they’re ready.

Set gentle invitations, use open ended questions and take a journal approach. The goal is to offer support without pushing, allowing this client the time and care they need to make decisions that reflect both their own wishes and their concern for others.

If this is you, COACHING is about easing the burden, not adding to it.  You don’t have to love planning, or even feel ready to talk about it, to take a meaningful step. Together, we can explore how to turn avoidance into agency and create something that offers peace of mind not just for you, but for those you care about most.

Every PLANNER type brings their own set of strengths, challenges and insights to the process of end-of-life planning.

No matter the type, there is always a way forward.

I am continually inspired by the resilience and openness of the people I work with, and I am deeply grateful to support them in creating an End of Life Plan that will bring comfort, clarity and peace for themselves and their families when the end time comes.

Do you see yourself in any of these Planner Types?

If you do, there is a seat for YOU at my table. Come sit and share and we will explore together your unique pathway and plan.

Join my upcoming Writing your Spiritual Care Directive group on Saturday, May 31^st, 2025

Click here for more info and to register: Writing your Spiritual Care Directive – One Day Intensive – May 31st

Love, Rhonda

End of Life Coach, PCC

Home Funeral Guide

Peacefully Prepared, LLC